Dear Shelby

Photo taken at Angel Mounds, Newburgh, Indiana

November 2009

Dear Shelby,

As your mother, I have so much to be proud of, and the words to describe my love and admiration for you aren't in existence.  I see you grow more and more, every day, into a beautiful young woman, and I can only be grateful for this special gift of being your mother.  I know that at times you see me as the enemy, and I can't blame you.  I know that there are days when you wish you could explain how you feel, but it's hard to communicate with me because you think I couldn't possibly understand.  I plead with you to know that I DO understand your world of being a teenager and all the experiences you are faced with.  I DO know and remember what it was like to be your age and wonder about things that you never thought of before.  I know it's hard to believe, because I didn't believe my mother when she told me, that it wasn't that long ago that I was your age, and I REMEMBER going through these same things.  I sometimes still feel like that little girl trying to figure life out and wondering what lies ahead for me.  I also remember thinking at your age that I had all the answers and that I was certainly mature enough to make my own choices without the help of my decrepit parents, who didn't know a THING about what I was thinking.  Trust me, I know.  Trust me, I remember.  And trust me, I will always be there for you to help you solve the mysteries of life, learning, and relationships.  You may even help me solve some mysteries of my own.

I live each day for you and the other children.  I wake up each morning and my job is to teach you to be a responsible, mature, caring, kind and gentle human being.  Some days I fall short of this task and for that I regret letting my own personal faults cloud what my real purpose is right now.  I can do better, and I know it.  I will do better.

I want you to know that I truly do my very best to have a positive relationship with you, even though you may not agree.  You are a special part of my life and my goal as your mother is to make your burdens light and at the same time, teach you to lift the heavy burdens of others.  You are a very talented young girl with the world in front of you to decide what your future holds.  Remember that with each choice you make, you determine the path you will follow, so carefully lead your life with this in mind.  Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because the most important lessons are learned through taking chances and falling on our faces.  The professional skier doesn't become proficient without falling down a few times.

This letter is for you to know that I think about you all the time, and that you mean so very much to me.  I love you, Shelby.  Please don't ever forget this...especially on the days when you feel I'm being too hard on you, and you don't believe me.

Love,

Mom

Stockwell Stars

Sheridan Knight and Sabrina Crow
Stockwell Stars Wall of Fame

Sabrina is a super kid, but I had no idea just how especially kind she is to others when she is at school. Her school has a Wall of Fame where students are honored for going above-and-beyond the expected behavior during the school day. Specifically, Sabrina was recognized for helping one of her classmates who is from China and speaks only Chinese. She helps him with his work and makes sure he understands the material that is being taught. She is friendly to him and they have a fun relationship as he draws her pictures as his way of communicating with her. Her stories about their interactions are so fun to listen to.

Her friend and neighbor, Sheridan was also recognized for a different, but just as exceptional, achievement. Sheridan found a dollar on the playground and instead of putting it in her pocket, she turned it in the the office to be claimed. The principle was so impressed with her, that I believe she is who sparked the idea to start a Wall of Fame, showcasing students for their exceptional behavior. Since then, there have been many more Stockwell Stars added to the wall. I am so proud of these girls for being such a wonderful example to their peers.

Congratulations to these two special girls and their wonderful accomplishments!

Colby's Mop

Colby was in need of a major hair-cut! I had so let it grow too long, and I can't believe it! The first picture was taken after I had already cut off the sides...It wasn't as long as the top, but it was pretty scraggly!

Hollows Eve

Cookies decorated by:
The Little Crows and The Dark Knights (Sheridan and Danielle Knight)

It's that time of year when little witches and slimy goblins begin to emerge from the dark and creepy shadows. They masquerade as children all year long, and only during this chilly fall month do they show their true colors. It's all the yummy smells of autumn that alert them to begin their transformation, and it's the carving of jack-o-lanterns that fuel their desire to put fear on the face of someone else.

Many a year these little spooks migrate from door to door with their candy-sack held high for the offering of sweets and treats, and many a morning-after the belly aches accompany the groggy, sleep filled eyes of the ones who survived the night of Hollows Eve. Only glimmers of memories remain of the bright moon high in the sky, and the faint sounds of wolves howling in the distance. The night was cool, as it always is, and the take was grand. With one fluid movement, the sticky feel of a candy-wrapper under the pillow is enough to bring a smile to any zombies face, as they recall the location and certain safety of the rest of their hidden stash. The time will come when only SweetTarts and Pixie Sticks remain in the bottom if the sack which once was filled to the gills, and only the memories of Trick-or-Treating will have to suffice until next year when they do it all over again.

But until then, they will continue to disguise themselves as children, trying--sometimes to no avail--to hide the little devils behind the smooth, chubby cheeks of a sweet little angel.

Don't let them fool you...

Shelby-tween

The day Shelby was born, I had developed an infection during labor which was worried to have been passed on to my baby. After I delivered her, they let me see her for only a moment before they whisked her away from me. I felt jipped in a way, because I had worked so hard growing her inside me, and had endured the unimaginable pain of giving birth to her. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and count her fingers and toes. But I couldn't. In fact, I wasn't going to be able to hold her for 24 hours. I had waited so long to meet her and the thought of 24 more hours was harder than I imagined.

The second moment I laid eyes on her was when Jedbot wheeled me down to the nursery to peek through the window and catch a glimpse of our daughter. She was beautiful. She was plump and pink and sleeping so soundly. I just wanted to reach through the glass to stroke her little fingers and soak in the little darling I helped create. It was horrible not to be able to do so.

24 hours came and went in the same amount of time that it always does, but not for me. When she was placed in my arms for the first time, I looked into her eyes and realized in an instant what if feels like to have unconditional love for someone. I also knew from that first moment that the name Jedbot and I had picked out for her to go by for all her years, wasn't going to fit. She wasn't a Kaitlyn, she was a Shelby. Shelby Rose. Rose after me, my mother, my sisters and my grandmother.

5 days later we were able to bring her home and I was horrified. I wondered how I was going to care for this little person, but somehow I managed to get through the first week (with my mom), and the second week, and now, 13 years later, I still wonder how I'll manage. Because each day is a learning experience for me, just as it is for her. However, although 13 years have passed since the moment she entered our lives, the love I have for her is just as strong, if not stronger. The love for a child never wavers. Never.

I often times catch myself staring at Shelby, from across the room, and I'm in awe at the beautiful young lady she has become, inside and out. I feel so fortunate to have her in my life and in our family.

And although these next few years are going to be... challenging, I never want to be on the other side of the glass again, longing for my daughter to be close to me. And because of this, I will embrace the opportunities I'll have to gain a closer mother-daughter/friend relationship with her. (If my mom can do it with me, I can surly do it with her)!!!~

Happy Birthday Shelby!

Love,

Dr. C

I'll never forget the day I went in for an ultrasound and learned I was going to have a baby boy. I giggled a little when the technician conducting the sonogram passed her magic wand over my belly, and brought into view the little life growing inside of me. There was no doubt he was a boy, and I cried. I felt like superwoman as I embraced my ability to conceive and carry a child--not every woman is as fortunate--and I became fully aware of this gift in this moment.

Corban was a stubborn little baby while he grew inside of me, kicking and stretching me, all the while, in ways I could never describe. Nine days after his due date he still hadn't graced us with his presence and I was becoming more and more impatient. (For any mom who's watched her due-date come and go without any hope of delivering in the near future, knows how maddening it can be.) My anxiousness wasn't completely due to wanting a long pregnancy to be over, but because I was eager to meet my son. Our son.

12 years ago, the doctor finally gave in and induced my labor after what seemed like an eternity. (For pregnant women, months feel like years!~) Corban arrived weighing in at 10 lb. 8 oz., and 22 1/2 inches long. I was surprised at my ability to deliver such a huge baby without complications--the doc was surprised too. When the nurse gingerly laid him on my chest for the first time, Jedbot and I formally introduced ourselves to our new baby--we were already in love!

I've often wondered why Corban was so overdue. Over the years, I just chalked it up to my lazy uterus after giving birth 11 months before to his sister, and figured that my body just wasn't strong enough to go into labor by myself. I don't really know if I believe that now. I think that the bond between a child and his/her mother begins in the womb, and the connection formed is stronger than one might even begin to imagine. I think that while in my womb he just wanted to be close to his mommy for as long as he could. Because even now, his desire to be close to me is just as strong.

Corban has always been the most loving child, and even now he tells me he loves me and gives me a kiss on the cheek multiple times a day. He's done this for as long as I can remember, it's just easier for him now that he's almost as tall as me. In fact, bedtime becomes a long drawn-out affair because he can't remember if he's given me a kiss good-night or not.

I feel so fortunate to have Corban in our family--he is a very intelligent and witty child who often has us in stitches or engrossed in a serious discussion about something he's learning, and if the last 12 years are any inclination of what the rest of his life will be like, I will continue to exist contently as a proud mother. I don't even mind anymore that he was born 9 days late.

Happy 12th Birthday, Corban!

Angel Wings

The neighbor lady across the street is always giving things away to those who live around her. She loves to bring out Popsicles and treats during the summer to the neighborhood children playing on the playground. She truly loves to see other people smile and is thoughtful in so many ways. She's also the kind of person who doesn't like to see anything go to waist. In fact, she often times moseys over to our door with a pair of shorts or jeans that her grown son can't wear anymore, to see if Corban can get some use out of them. One day she told me the story about finding a brand new bedding set, still in it's original clear bag, sitting by the dumpster. At the risk of looking like a trash-digger, she walked the bundle home, checked it over, washed it and took it to a local re-sale shop where she received $30 dollars for it. Anyway, needless to say, she is very resourceful and isn't above pulling a perfectly good piece of furniture out of the trash to either use, give away or sell. I don't think she's capable of letting anything go to waist that could potentially benefit someone else.

A couple of days ago she called the kids over and wanted to give them some sea-shells that she'd collected over the years. She had a nice little chat with them about the different kinds of shells, their names and the beaches where she plucked them up from. Colby came home with half a set of Angel Wings. I didn't even know what he was talking about until he delicately showed me his beautiful find. He was very gentle with his shell so he wouldn't crack or break it.

The first thing Colby wanted to do was paint his precious shell, so he pulled out everything he needed and set himself up to create a masterpiece. His final touches revealed a work-of-art...see for yourself. I shall never look at Angel Wings the same again, and I was pleased to see how my little boys views life--as angelically colorful or colorfully angelic--either way, to me, it's art.

Wesselman's Nature Preserve

~Corban and a large snake getting ready to shed it's skin~

~Sabrina and her friend Sherridan~

~Colby and Mommy~

~Shelby checking something out under the microscope~

Niece

Nadia and her Aunt Emily!~


While visiting my brother and his family for Labor Day weekend, I found it VERY hard to put this little baby down! Nadia is such a cutie and she loves her Aunt Emily very much --she told me so--Unfortunately, I was fighting for her attention the whole time because my daughters wanted to hold her, and feed her, and burp her, and giggle with her. I think next time I'll make them change her so they can REALLY see what's it's like to take care of a baby. Naaa. I think I'll just let them enjoy their baby niece a bit longer before I break them into the realities of taking care of an infant!

In the meantime, I'm just content giving my little Nadi-baby lots of Auntie Em hugs.

Colby's Eight!

Let me tell you about our son Colby! Colby Jacob was born on a humid summer day back in 2001. It was such a wonderful moment when this chubby little redheaded boy was delivered into our lives. I remember holding him for the first time and smelling his sweet skin after his first bath. Although he didn't have much hair, it was quite evident that he was going to be fair skinned and freckled with strawberry blond top. Little did I know that his chubbiness would fade into a tall lanky body, and his strawberry blond fuzz would turn into fire-red locks of curls. I can't believe how much he has grown!

The photo above is of him trying out his Birthday Bike for the first time! I think it was the best present we could have given him, seeing as how he's always on it!

Every year I ask the kids what they want to eat for their Birthday dinner, and Colby made no hesitation when he announced that he wanted his favorite meal: Biscuits and Gravy. An odd choice for dinner, one might think, however being the picky eater he is, we often dine in such fashion. So Big Daddy's Biscuits and Gravy was on the menu. I was very fortunate to have my Grandad give me his recipe before he passed away...now every time we eat them, we think of him.

After dinner it was time to feast on yummy cake and ice-cream and then off to test drive his new wheels!

We all had a fun evening laughing, playing and being together as a family.

Happy Birthday Colby!

This Just In: California Girl Hits Double Digits!

Sabrina - 8 months old

~ 2000 ~

Sabrina - the little lady bug on Halloween
~ October 2001 ~



Me and the kids on a visit to see Big Daddy
~ 2001 ~

Nap-time for Daddy and Little Bre

Sabrina - 4th grade

It's official! Our little blondy turned 10 years old on July 3rd. It amazes me that only a short time ago I was preparing to deliver this beautiful daughter of ours in a military hospital in Twenty-Nine Palms, CA. Sabrina Rose is our sweet little girl, who always manages to keep us in stitches, whom we love very much!

Sabrina had a wonderful day picking out her own presents (because I waited until the last minute...heehee), and relishing in her moment of hitting it big turning the infamous "double digits". She's been waiting in excitement and dread for this day for quite some time. Although she has been anticipating her birthday like most children do, she also was dreading this day because now she's big enough to start taking her turn doing monthly Dish-duty. Oh Boy! Needless to say, this has not been a fun couple of days.

She also had a fun time opening mail from The Lifferths and Nana and Popo...especially since she was the only one to receive mail that day! How exciting! She has many plans for the money and gift cards she received! (Thanks Mom, Dad and Erin!)

It's true. Our little girl is growing up right before our eyes...and I must say she's turning into a sweet young (young) woman.

The Best of the Best

Garden of the Gods and Bell Smith Springs 2009!

In the Shadows

On our trip to Garden of the Gods and Bell Smith Springs, we took a ton of pictures to mark the occasion. We had a wonderful time climbing on the rocks, camping over night and jumping into the cool waters of the springs. When we returned from our trip, and as I was sifting through the images of our adventure, I noticed one that seemed a little off to me. At first, I analyzed this photo, taking in the shadows and beautiful colors and then picking out each unmistakable outline that represented my children. Then I wondered something...what are they doing? Since I was back at camp while they were off on a second hike, I didn't have the privilege of witnessing this image being snapped and saved on my camera/phone.

When I asked my question to JB, he just laughed. He said that while setting up this picture the kids were all whispering with each other. He didn't think much of it until he went to take the shot. As he vocalized the countdown..."3...2...1", they sat perfectly still until the last second! That's when they did it. They all, at the exact moment, raised their innocent hands and made a gesture that made my sides hurt once I could see it on the screen. They were doing a "boobie-bump". That's right. The, capital B, Boobie Bump. Yes, my children quickly moved their hands under their breast line, and performed the above action, right as the picture was capturing the motion.

After I controlled my laughter, I shook my head, looked at my husband, and while pointing at the photo I quietly informed him that those are his children!

Smiles and Sardines

Round Two.

I visited Shelby's school today for a special recognition program. When I walked into the auditorium I immediately felt a rush of anxiety as I realized all the parents were to be packed onto the bleachers like sardines. The entire school would be seated on either side of us and in cold metal chairs on the gym floor. Oh boy.

I was surprised to see the lengthy list of students on the program, from grades 6-8, who would be recognized for their academic accomplishments. At first I thought to myself, "Self, this is going to take forever!". And then I realized something wonderful. Not only was my daughter on the list, but I had to smile as I watched each child shake the hand of their principle as they received their certificates. My smile was for each of them... for all the hard work put into achieving a seemingly insignificant piece of paper with their names on it, congratulating them for completing their assignments on time and staying up late studying for tests. I smiled as each child walked back to their seats wearing involuntary grins on their faces, as if they were patting themselves on the back. I smiled for all the parents who devoted a portion of their busy lives to helping their children when they were stuck on a math problem, or stayed up late helping them with a last minute project. And I smiled knowing that the future may very well be in good hands with such a large pool of bright, intelligent children well on their way to achieving greatness.

So after a few minutes of feeling a little claustrophobic, I settled into my backless seat, not minding so much that I was squished between two very large women. I was too busy staring in awe at this young generation of high achievers, and nothing was going to take away from that...not even feeling a little like a sardine.

Congratulations Shelby!

Milestones

I don't know why, as each year passes, I find myself surprised at how fast the kids are growing. I often think about the days when my life was consumed with bottles, diapers and restless nights. Each stage of their growth was a milestone. When they were all potty trained, and the need to buy diapers and wipes were no longer on my grocery list, I marked that day as a momentous occasion. Even when I didn't need to carry around a diaper bag with all the necessary items to keep a toddler occupied and happy was a day in history etched in stone as something of the past. I relished in each milestone that allowed me to simplify my life and the lives of my little family. However now the milestones are presenting themselves much faster than before. So fast, in fact, that I almost can't keep up. Too fast for my liking, regardless of all the moments when I just wished they were all older and passed the various uncomfortable stages they were in.

Today was one of those milestones that can now be checked off a list of moments that only happen once in a persons lifetime. Corban graduated from 5th grade...*sniff, sniff*. As I watched him receive his various certificates honoring him for all his accomplishments this year, a tear rolled down my cheek as I stared at the boy that I used to cuddle after his nap wearing only a soft onsie. I thought it odd that as each time he stood he never once looked to me like a big kid moving on to Middle School. Instead, all I saw was the chubby little baby I held in my arms as he drew his first breath in this world.

Even now as I write this I am reminded of one particular day at the grocery store when the kids were real little. I was totting all 4 children and gathering the necessities as quickly as I could, while still managing to keep them from either running off or grabbing things off the shelves. I was stopped by a couple in their mid forties with unusually wide smiles spread across their faces for shoppers at Walmart. They complemented me on the beauty of my children and at how well behaved they were (that's only because we hadn't been in the store very long...give it another 10 minutes and this couple would have witnessed a much different scene.) And with tears in their eyes (no lie) they urged me to soak in every minute of these hectic years, because one day they would all be grown and I would be left wondering where all the time went. As I listened to their heartfelt plea, I couldn't help but feel sceptical. I thought those days would never end.

I realize that not only was today a milestone for Corban as he graduated from Elementary School, but it was a milestone for me as well. My son will now be moving on to the middle of three schools in his educational journey. Another tick in the timeline of our lives and another inevitable moment pushing us closer and closer toward another milestone to replace the one before it. And even though the monotony of life sometimes camouflages my ability to recognize the pace at which my family is growing, I look at each milestone as an opportunity to step back and remember the words of the unnamed shoppers, and soak in the hectic moments like a dry sponge.