Shelby-tween

The day Shelby was born, I had developed an infection during labor which was worried to have been passed on to my baby. After I delivered her, they let me see her for only a moment before they whisked her away from me. I felt jipped in a way, because I had worked so hard growing her inside me, and had endured the unimaginable pain of giving birth to her. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and count her fingers and toes. But I couldn't. In fact, I wasn't going to be able to hold her for 24 hours. I had waited so long to meet her and the thought of 24 more hours was harder than I imagined.

The second moment I laid eyes on her was when Jedbot wheeled me down to the nursery to peek through the window and catch a glimpse of our daughter. She was beautiful. She was plump and pink and sleeping so soundly. I just wanted to reach through the glass to stroke her little fingers and soak in the little darling I helped create. It was horrible not to be able to do so.

24 hours came and went in the same amount of time that it always does, but not for me. When she was placed in my arms for the first time, I looked into her eyes and realized in an instant what if feels like to have unconditional love for someone. I also knew from that first moment that the name Jedbot and I had picked out for her to go by for all her years, wasn't going to fit. She wasn't a Kaitlyn, she was a Shelby. Shelby Rose. Rose after me, my mother, my sisters and my grandmother.

5 days later we were able to bring her home and I was horrified. I wondered how I was going to care for this little person, but somehow I managed to get through the first week (with my mom), and the second week, and now, 13 years later, I still wonder how I'll manage. Because each day is a learning experience for me, just as it is for her. However, although 13 years have passed since the moment she entered our lives, the love I have for her is just as strong, if not stronger. The love for a child never wavers. Never.

I often times catch myself staring at Shelby, from across the room, and I'm in awe at the beautiful young lady she has become, inside and out. I feel so fortunate to have her in my life and in our family.

And although these next few years are going to be... challenging, I never want to be on the other side of the glass again, longing for my daughter to be close to me. And because of this, I will embrace the opportunities I'll have to gain a closer mother-daughter/friend relationship with her. (If my mom can do it with me, I can surly do it with her)!!!~

Happy Birthday Shelby!

Love,