Can a mother ever have a place of peace and quiet to think...alone... while children are around? No. It never fails, the moment I get on the phone, go into the bathroom, or try to take a nap, there they are. The chatter of endless questions that can't seem to wait to be answered or addressed, even one little minute until the phone is hung up and the toilet is flushed, ring in my ears EVERY DAY!
Just today 3 children came into my room to ask me something through the closed (and locked, or else they would just walk in) bathroom door while I was minding my own business, doing my business. My reply confused them immensely. "I'm using the bathroom, I'll be right out." Imagine them being confused by this simple and straightforward remark. To which they reply, "But mom, I just need to ask you something." After which I calmly repeat myself. "But, why can't I just ask you right now? You aren't doing anything." To this, I sigh and ignore them until they give up and either walk away or forget what they wanted in the first place.
Even when I point at the phone attached to my ear, as a clue to stop talking to me, they don't get it.
It's inevitable, you know. Children are programmed to hone in on the exact second you slip away to the bathroom, even when they are engulfed in a TV show. It's like their little ears perk up and trigger a uncontrollable response to the absence of their mommy. "Must. Find. Mommy." Like miniature zombies in a trance guiding them to the bathroom or phone-jack in search of answers to questions they haven't yet thought of, until the words flow from their mouths.
I will never understand it. Never.
Until then, I guess I'll have to sneak around using the techniques I learn from cop shows, when the good-guys are trying to evade the enemy...tip-toeing down the hall with their backs pressed to the wall, looking for the most opportune time to flea the scene. Or in my case, make a break for the bathroom. It's tricky though, they've learned that I like to hide in my closet for privacy when I use the phone.
Bypassing "kid-radar" is a skill learned only through rigorous practice and intense focus. To become a master at stealth-motherhood takes years of experience to achieve, and a title worn proudly by all mom's with grown children who are now suffering the same right of passage.
So to all you seasoned mothers out there, holding back your tears of laughter at the amusement of someone else enduring the torture you yourselves endured, THANKS A LOT!
2 comments:
hehe, I can totally picture you doing mission impossible moves through your home. love it!
This is soooo true! I often lock myself in the bathroom and don't even respond to them, or the laundry room. They don't usually think to look in there. I just sit there quietly listening to the little feet running around the house going "Mom?" and "Lisa?" "Where are you?" Then when I finally come out and ask what they want, it's something like this... "You remember in Bolt when Mittens said, "And not Pumpernickel, Billy!"? I say "yes... I remember." They say, "That was funny, wasn't it?" And I say, "Was this really that important?" And they just giggle and run away until I find a new peaceful spot for them to destroy. :) I feel your pain girl...
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