On The Edge

It wasn't until I was an adult with children, that I fully understood the capacity of the love a mother has for her child. I've always known I was loved. It's just that I never quite 'got' how much. I don't think any woman fully grasps the magnitude of it, until they bring a little piece of heaven into their own lives...until they, personally, give birth to the ever-growing entity from their womb. The moment a sweet baby is laid on a new mother's chest is the instant that the immediate bond and unconditional love is formed. It is only then, never before that second, that a small percentage of understanding reaches her heart.

I was a teenager when I first felt the strength of the bond my mother had for me.

I love telling my children the story about the time my mom was asked if she would climb out on the ledge of a tall building to retrieve a bag filled with money...lots of money. I laughed when I heard the question because I knew what her answer would be. She has always been deathly afraid of heights, and so would never, never climb out on a ledge for ANY amount of money. Of course, as I suspected, her answer was a firm, "No way"!

It was the next part of the question that caught me off guard and pricked my heart. She was then asked if she would climb out on that same ledge to retrieve her daughters Emily or Erin. I don't think I ever heard her respond to a question with as much certainty as I did that day. Just the sound of her voice was a clear indicator of her response. I could feel my throat tighten as I heard her words, "In a heartbeat". She spoke in a whisper because that was all her vocal cords would allow.

That's when I knew. That was the moment that changed me, because I believed her.

Whenever I want to emphasize to my children just how much I love them, and that I would truly do anything for them, I remind them of Nana and the time she said she would climb out on the ledge of a TALL building to get me. I don't know if they really have the ability to understand just what I mean. But, like my mom, I too, would climb out on a ledge, step in front of a car, shield them from falling rocks, and protect the very life I helped create. It is my precious duty as a mother to do these things for the little ones I have charge for...a duty I that I honor to the fullest, just as my mother, and her mother, and her mother did.

I have carried this experience, along with many others, with me throughout my 34 years of life. (Like the time my mom got up with me in the middle of the night to rub my head when I had a terrible ear ache...I was 18. Or the time I came home from school just as she was hanging up with the principle of my high school. She was livid about the way a teacher had treated Elliot...I was in awe at her willingness to stand up and defend him! Nobody better mess with her...she's ruthless when it comes to her kids! All I have to say, is I'm glad she has my back!)

So, even though I wouldn't regularly spend a afternoon climbing out on the ledge of an 80 story sky scraper, I would hop out there without a moments hesitation if my child needed me to.

I have a sneaky suspicion that there are many of those who would agree with me.